The Twelve Tenets of Sexy Parties: A Charter of Awesome

1. BYOB. Bring Your Own B___ - notice the interpretation necessary. Suggested items:
Booze
Bombs
Beer
Battleships
Berets
Boats
Boligrafos (Pens. Hah.)
Bears
Bottles

2. Thou shalt not be a homophobe. When James asks you for a dance, you roll with it.
2a. Thou shalt bring a camera to capture such moments.

3. Macho posturing is ALWAYS funny, as long as nobody takes it too seriously.

4. Thou shalt not frown, unless obviously in jest. This invites stabbings from vigilantes with glowing plastic swords.

5. If fighting breaks out, the party is no longer sexy. Offenders are to be thrown out, off of a roof not less than twenty (20) feet above cement-level.

6. No pirate or ninja wannabes. If somebody dressed as a pirate or ninja somehow manages to get in despite this rule, they're obviously the real deal and shall not be disturbed.

7. Thou shalt not complain about the ambient music, odor, or food.

8. (SUBSECTION: STRIP POKER)
In the inevitable game of Strip Poker which is bound to happen at any good sexy party, the following rules must be adhered to.
a. First and foremost,Myself, and one otherwise-anonymous character whose name begins with a C must be present and participating.
b. Texas Holdem must be played, unless I am ill or otherwise unable to attend.
c. All extraneous rules, chip values, etcetera, must be determined in a fair manner beforehand.
d. The game will be played in a gentlemanly and honorable manner- abide by the rules.
e. I shall always win.

9. There shall be no watching of movies at sexy parties- that's no fun.

10. Any and all bathroom breaks shall be taken at the facility farthest from the action, if at all possible. Show some consideration, please.

11. If it sounds stupid, try it anyways, so the rest of us can laugh.

12. What happens at the party stays at the party.

13. I'm awesome.